Scientists working for the Humboldt University of Berlin have managed to do what many have pondered for generations: discover what exactly is on the minds of Man’s Best Friend. Through the use of a many EEG wires and highly sophisticated hardware, the answer to this age old mystery has finally been revealed to us: non-stop Ska music.
Prof. Dietrich Sprachmacher had the following to say regarding his groundbreaking experiments – “We have been trying to translate the thoughts of canines into a discernible medium for well over a decade. Our team not only had to try and imagine how we could possibly accomplish this task, but also how to interpret what we would find. The majority of the challenge came from actually translating brain activity into audio. Once we found a way to accomplish this, we were taken aback to discover the thoughts of a dog appear to be nothing but Ska. We don’t think any of the dogs involved have ever even heard Ska before, but here we are.”
Dr. Alexander Karl, an associate of Prof. Sprachmacher, also had the following to add – “Unlike my colleagues, I actually am acquainted with the genre, though the selection of ‘tracks’ we hear is still puzzling. For example, when given a treat it would appear as though the dog was thinking of The Skatalites’ Ska Boss, while if being pet it would think of The Aquabats’ Phantasma Del Mar. If there’s any correlation between these songs and any external stimuli present, we have yet to discover it. Even stranger yet, we discovered that if a dog is thinking of, say, The Aquabats, when it is exposed to, say , Reel Big Fish, the dog’s reaction is exceedingly hostile. Frankly we don’t think this experiment has yielded any useful information at all, unfortunately.”
When asked if the team had attempted the experiment on any other animals, it was reported that cats were also tested, though the results were described as “lofi grunge, which may explain the animosity between the two animals.”
The Refuge of Refuse 