As if Amazon couldn’t wow us any more than they already have, we’ve recently learned that Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos plans to go out with a bang – and he wants 500 of his most dedicated employees to go with him!
Bezos revealed that, upon his death, he intends to hold a lavish funeral which will culminate in the live burial of his 500 best performing workers. Amazon spokeswoman Amanda Khatchaturian has the full details:
“Upon Mr. Bezos’ demise, he has specifically requested that he be buried in a gigantic sarcophagus of lapis lazuli, the lid of which is carved to portray his slumbering likeness, with the main body of the sarcophagus featuring details of his life, all exquisitely inlaid in gold. At the mandated time, the lucky employees chosen by His Pristine Brilliance will be brought into the burial chamber in groups of 20, where they will recite their cries of mourning and beat their chests. They will then be given many bowl fulls of wine, before each will be struck on the head and buried alive in rows, the first group being on the same level as His Departed Magnificence, and continuing some 30 feet until all 500 have rejoined their master in the life to come.”
“At the moment we’re still constructing the tomb itself, which should be complete by around 2030. We fear with the changing climate we may see yet more of our selfless contractors may succumb to the elements in their Amazon mandated mobile cages, but we anticipate through sheer force of will, we can get this done ahead of schedule.”
The tomb will be marked by a grand pyramid at a site close by Amazon’s Seattle HQ, and will feature a majestic display of a zeret bird carrying Bezos into the afterlife, composed entirely of precious gemstones.
Rumour has it Amazon Prime members will have the ability to visit the tomb prior to its public unveiling, so bear that in mind next time you think about cancelling your subscription!