Heroic: Police Save Elderly Woman’s Life During Illegal New Year’s Gathering By Tossing Her Out Window

MONTREAL, QUEBEC: Police narrowly rescued an elderly woman from potential COVID-19 infection and likely death during an illegal gathering this New Year’s Eve, saving Canada from yet another casualty from the virus.

Isabelle Richelieu, 86, was subjected by her ” utterly thoughtless” family to the threat of COVID when her selfless neighbours notified the police of the gathering.

“I saw probably four cars in the driveway, and I thought that just can’t be right.” says neighbour Michel Beauchamp. “Ms. Richelieu’s a smoker, her kidneys are failing, and she’s quite old, so I just knew it would be trouble for her.”

“It’s just unbelievable her family would violate lockdown like that. How hard is it to just stay at home?” Mr. Beauchamp, a lawyer currently working remotely from home, has the thanks of the city for his quick thinking.

Officers responding to the complaint were quick to act: knowing the severe danger COVID poses to the elderly, one officer calmly covered Ms. Richelieu’s mouth by slamming her into the wall in a manner similar to a battering ram, and then lifting her overhead and tossing her out a nearby window.

Ms. Richelieu’s son, Hubert, was also shot in the head at point blank range with a shotgun and her infant grandson tazed in the incident “for refusing to stop crying”.

Her cat was also reportedly “slammed repeatedly into the ground like a sack of oranges” for attacking officers upon arrival.

The wall Ms. Richelieu was allegedly rammed into

Ms. Richelieu is expected to awake from her coma any day now, “a much preferable alternative to death, we can all agree.”

“I can’t wait to see her when she gets back” says Mr. Beauchamp. “I’m sure the new face she’s getting transplanted after her old one was shattered in twain against the wall will be lovely.”

Authorities urge citizens to be mindful of public safety, and refrain from violating lockdown, as Canada pulls through this crisis together.

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