Unforgivable Body Shaming: Under Armour Panned For Promoting New XXXL Gloves As “Freak Mitts”

Under Armour has come under fire from numerous critics for unveiling their new brand of extra large sporting gloves, which they have dubbed “Freak Mitts”. Critics say this name is guilty of body shaming, and demand Under Armour apologize. However, since the announcement Under Armour has reportedly doubled down on their new brand of glove, defending it during a recent press conference.

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“Despite what others have claimed, we see no issue with our new line of ludicrously large sporting gloves and plan to retain their current name.” Under Armour, in addition to facing criticism from the “Freak Mitts” label, has also drawn criticism for their accompanying ad campaign, which saw the sporting wear giant post advertisements for their large gloves on the summit of the Empire State Building, where “the main consumer base for these gloves are likely to convene”. “We see no issue with our ad campaign, nor with our branding. If anything, we’ve likely failed as all materials advertising these gloves are way too small for the mutants who’d be buying them to read”, an Under Armour spokesman was quoted as saying.

“We would also like to point out that no actual customers of these gloves have said anything negative about them, more than likely because they’re too busy fighting King Ghidorah”, the same spokesman stated. “If they do take issue with it, not only will we apologize, we’ll also provide transportation free of charge back to the bean stalk they came down here from”. According to analysts, the press conference in question was “in a room with a door that was much too small for any customers to fit through” making it effectively “freak proof”. Despite what many see as a callous strategy taken by Under Armour, “Freak Mitts” have thus far generated an admirable profit – “Even if only a few people buy them, given their high cost due to the immense amount of material needed to make them, we can still bring in a profit as huge and stupid as the cave trolls who buy them”.

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