The News Today: FaceTime Glitches, Japanese Tattoos and more


FaceTime glitch allows users to force Hulk Hogan to accept their challenges for the WWF World Heavyweight Championship Belt

FaceTime users have discovered that, through using an obscure glitch, it is possible to call Hulk Hogan and make him accept their challenges for his coveted World Heavyweight Championship Belt. While the Hulkster cannot yet be reached for comment, sources confirm there are numerous unconscious bodies on his front lawn, many of which are holding what appear to be foreign objects.

Gordon Lightfoot announces he will write a song about the next storm to pass through the Great Lakes, regardless of intensity

Legendary singer-songwriter Gordon Lightfoot, known for his single The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, has announced he’s making a comeback, and his new hit will be about whatever inclement weather may pass through the Great Lakes region. Lightfoot is apparently prepared for all scenarios, including mild flurries, which he is confident he can “make work”.

Oops! Ariana Grande’s Japanese tattoo typo!

American musician Ariana Grande is the laughing stock of twitter as it has been revealed her new palm tattoo, which she believed read “7 Rings” in Japanese Kanji actually spells 天皇陛下万歳 – Tennōheika Banzai, or “Long Live His Majesty the Emperor”, a well known battle cry of the Japanese during WWII. While many have mocked Ariana’s tattoo for its apparent misspelling, others point out that the tattoo includes a picture of the sinking USS Bunker Hill, which was struck by Kamikaze pilots during the invasion of Okinawa, raising questions as to whether this was truly an accident or not.

Empire star Jussie Smollett claims he was murdered by three Trump supporters

The actor made the shocking revelations this Tuesday, saying that in the early morning hours he was ambushed by three men wearing MAGA hats, who each took turns beating him to death with a sledgehammer emblazoned with the words “I don’t support gay rights”. Investigators have thus far found no proof that the incident took place at all, but Smollett insists his claims are true. “This is a very dangerous time to be a gay person of colour in America, when even a well known star such as myself can be murdered in broad daylight”, Smollett was quoted as saying.

Former BuzzFeed journalists in critical condition after being told to “learn to code”

At least 20 former writers for BuzzFeed who were laid off recently are in critical condition after people on the internet told them they should learn to code. The phrase, which originated after many journalists encouraged laid off coal miners to do just that, is now being used for those same journalists. Elle Kleingehirn, a contributing writer for the Huffington Post, BuzzFeed and Jacobin, explains – “Learn to code was just helpful advice to mostly toxic white men, who were released from an industry which is killing Mother Gaia. But now trolls, mostly Russian operatives and neo-Nazis from the notorious FSB forum 4chan are using it against innocent journalists who are just the latest victims of capitalism. It’s become increasingly obvious that having a blue checkmark on Twitter is tantamount to having a bullseye on your back as the free press continues to come under attack. The only way to save freedom of the press, and freedom of speech, it would seem, is to immediately ban and deplatform anyone who uses this phrase.”


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