Brazilian loggers stumble upon ancient temple to Neil Young, unleashing his curse

A group of loggers in Brazil are in over their heads after they’ve unwittingly awoken the angry spirit of Canadian singer-songwriter Neil Young deep within the Amazon rainforest. Young, noted for his environmental activism, and despite technically still being alive, has been reported by hikers for years to roam the banks of the Amazon whilst inexplicably being present within North America.

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Antonio dos Santos, a member of the crew, reports the harrowing ordeal: “We found this weird stone hut in the middle of the forest, but it had an inscription over the door that said something like  ‘Hey hey, let all beware; Disturb not this lair’ so we decided to just leave it be. But Pedro, the one that opened it, I guess he decided to wander out there and check it out himself. We all woke up in the middle of the night to this kinda high pitched voice saying ‘Logger man, you foolish man; My curse is outta the can’ like an echo. Pedro came stumbling back and we knew bad went down.”

The victim in question, Pedro Branco, is in stable condition, though the alleged curse seems to have hit him hard. “At first he was just kinda confused, then he started growing his hair longer, and we’d tell him ‘Hey man, you should cut your hair. It looks weird like that’ and he’d just say no. Then he started wearing this fedora thing and playing guitar. He was fired a week ago but he just stays here with us, singing about farming. He bit João and now he’s [João] starting to do the same thing. It’s a nightmare.”

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